Tonight I am home with two beautiful little girls. One my daughter and another my neighbors daughter; two happy little children playing dolls, and pretending to be kittens. I remember being little and 'imagining' at the drop of a hat; you just had to say it; or even think it and it would be there. It wasn't that long ago really, I remember having hope and I remember losing hope. I remember feeling bitter and alone and I remember finding love and thinking right then that would solve my aloneness, my bitterness.
Suprise, it didn't.. I was alone with myself. I was bitter with myself. Then when years into a marriage your mad because 'he' didnt' "solove" all that he was supposed to "solve" or FIX..
Laziness or maybe immaturity to look at a problem and think that the problem is always someone else and never ourselves. It is almost like looking a mirror and being mad at someone else for seeing a pimple, or fat rolls...
Lets' be mad at the right person. ourselves because we didnt' have the faith.. The faith that Jehovah will provide for us.. Jehovah will provide what is needed; he will not let us take on more then we can handle. He will help us.
It is so hard to feel so positive when so much negativity is still on the surface. So starting today I am going to have hope again and I am going to rebuild my faith. When I am feeling alone I will not look at my children or my husband and think 'why are they not making me unlonely'? I will go and be proactive.. I will help someone and learn to open my heart up to love again.
Why is love so hard to open up to? and why does it look so easy when your falling falling falling in it? I guess thats' why they call it 'falling' and not climbing' or considering, or deciding :)
anyway.. enough of me :)
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