i think that the years are passing so quickly by.. I might be lost in the sifting sands What if I can't find my way out in the end?

Time time time; beating on my head; I wanted time to pass so quickly as a child. I wanted to be old enough to scare the fears away,laugh at the ones that were hurting me. I wanted to be big enough not to break anymore. I wanted to be mature enough to have a love and a child of my own. I have those wonderful things and I am as happy as a clam. Now time is moving faster and now I want it to slow down; but, I can hardly catch my breath to yell for it. My babies are children now; I am almost afraid to turn around as they might have turned into adults!

I wish I had now; some of that time that was spent so recklessly. I wish that I could have been more secure in my own body. I wish that I had been home schooled. I think if i had had a couple of years to build my confidence; I might have been able to 'take on' more.

I am glad that I have the time that I have though. I love living. I wish the world wasnt' such an ugly place beyond Jehovah's Organization. I can't wait till paradise!

my little terrorist

Help! I've been kidnapped by a terrorist!

She is a small blonde with little curls. She demands my attention and yells if she doesn't get it. I am forced to clean and cook for her and to keep her clean and her clothes washed. I am made to play little games with her and 'be the mommy' in her playing house hoax. She forces me to read to her from small books with more pictures then words. She has been known to lose her temper if her food isn't prepared exactly the way she wants it. She demands 'to be held' and 'cuddling' sometimes throwing a tantrum over getting the car, getting her seatbelt on, and leaving an area that was to her liking. I have tried to get her to speak about herself so that she doesnt' blow up, find something in common, and have even been reduced to tears and anger. She is charming one moment and the next; terrifying. When she is sleepy; she gets even angrier and I try many tricks to get her to go to sleep so that I can find my escape. I sometimes will sing her a lullaby to lull her into sleep, I have even given into the'cuddling' and have held her until she sleeps. Then I think of my escape; at which point I am too tired to try. The next morning she has a smile on her face and I just melt. Shes' not a terrorist; shes' just a three year old on a bad day!