I was just thinking about this song.. The group is called hiroshima and the album is called hiroshima Go..  It takes me back to my childhood, more specifially my teenager years.  I remember looking so pretty one day.  Just that my hair lay perfect and the day was beautiful.  My dad even took a picture of me that day and you could tell that I thought I was beautiful; that day. 

Today, the thought saddens me, because there were not many days that I believed I was beautiful. There are not many other days where a camera was taken out to shoot me.  I should have had more.

I should have been happier.  I will not let this thought depress me; for after all it is just a passing thought in a sea of thoughts. I can not let go of my dispair and perhaps we are not meant to let go of it.

Although I know for sure we are not supposed to hold on tight too, rock it to sleep and name it Sue either.

I think we are supposed to hold our dispairs in a pocket, or a small area in our purses or wallets. I think we are supposed to know that they are there and in them being there we have been given strength.

Strength i knowing that I well, yes.. I do fold. I give up under pressure and I fold like a stack of cards. Boom! Crash!  I give up and lay down. I pray to Jehovah for strength for I know it is not my own strength that will get me though any of my crisis'.

SO I learn through my tears to rely on Jehovah and maybe that is really the only thing to know.

You can not rely one human person for any length of time for we are swayed about like the waves of the sea. Our only anchor is Jehovah and we are to hold onto him like we hold on to our dear newborns. Yes, our lives depend upon it.

I know that my pain has been there and Iknow that in some ways I am stronger, but still I wonder.. Wouldn't I have just been stronger to not have had pain at all? Not to wear out my reserves thoughout my life. My doubtings, and lack of self confidence, my breaking down and falling; wouldn't, couldn't I have learned the same thing without the pain?

I pray to have less pain.  to have more joy. I pray to Jehovah to keep me in his heart. I pray for Jehovah to keep my family in his heart. I can not ask for more then that.

Today I went to the dr.  He gave me some medicine and a shot for the pain my shoulder/arm.  I've been going to that dr for more then two years and this is the first time that I have actually seen the dr.  He was very nice. He said that they were going to make me feel better.

He said that shot in my shoulder was going to help the pain and heal the scar tissue that had accumulated since I was in that car accident.  I was riding my bike and a car hit me when I was seventeen.

Amelia got in trouble tonight. She is the princess so it was kind of rare. She took out the leftovers that we had from dinner tonight (cheesy potatoes) helped herself to them, putting them on a barbie plate and making a huge mess. Daddy found it and was not happy. Her little behind was IN trouble
. 

my cupcake cutie sweater vest was in the mail today! I was so happy!  Amelia is going to look so cute in it.. I can't wait.. When I go to Illinois to see my friend daisy; Faythe and mia will wear it together :)  Cuteness :)

Today I went to the dr.  He gave me some medicine and a shot for the pain my shoulder/arm.  I've been going to that dr for more then two years and this is the first time that I have actually seen the dr.  He was very nice. He said that they were going to make me feel better.

He said that shot in my shoulder was going to help the pain and heal the scar tissue that had accumulated since I was in that car accident.  I was riding my bike and a car hit me when I was seventeen.

Amelia got in trouble tonight. She is the princess so it was kind of rare. She took out the leftovers that we had from dinner tonight (cheesy potatoes) helped herself to them, putting them on a barbie plate and making a huge mess. Daddy found it and was not happy. Her little behind was IN trouble
. 

my cupcake cutie sweater vest was in the mail today! I was so happy!  Amelia is going to look so cute in it.. I can't wait.. When I go to Illinois to see my friend daisy; Faythe and mia will wear it together :)  Cuteness :)

I'm still not feeling much better today.. Just coughing alot and my throat hurts.  My asthma is still acting up.  The colts are playing right now, but I don't know whether to wait until brian wakes up or watch it right now.  The kids have been good although mia was sad that she couldn't go swimming with mels' kids. 

OH, I hate being sick. I hate coughing and sneezing and missing my assembly because I'm having asthma attacks :( I just feel so ugh! In my old age (finally) I don't fight sleep anymore. I have been asleep for the last three days I think. The kids have just wrecked havoc in the house, but so far they  haven't gotten anything.

I think Brian is sick too but he is at work.  When he calls I'l tell him how much I appreciate him taking care of the kids while I sleep> I forget to tell him how important he is to me :) 

I really like facebook, but sometimes it just feels like another chore I have to do. *L* I'm Jess Meece on facebook. I believe.

I hope that Betty comes soon. everytime I think shes' coming and then she doesn't.. I just feel like my heart just sinks down again . I get so excited and then fall  .. I just have to  make it not so important. 

Joel is reading really well now. I'm vry proud of him. Now to work on writing! *L*